Hell Hath No Fury
by Draconic Caduceus
Summary: You know the old saying: hell hath no fury like a woman scorned, or something like that. Weell, you'd think the Autobots would know this by now, but evidently not. They figure that just because humans are squishy, they're harmless. Boy are they wrong.
1. Like a sick teenage female

**I don't own Transformers or any canon characters in here; I only own the humans, finches, Snowy, and in some ways but not all, Mei. ****This'll be a collection of short stories starring the humans (mostly the female ones) throwing tantrums and making life miserable for the poor 'Bots. :)**

**Funny thing about this story. I was in English class and we were discussing Shakespeare (he's insane, by the way. And not in a good way, either). We had split up into groups to begin reading Hamlet and our teacher started walking around to make sure we were doing our work. He seemed to like to come to our group and lean over my shoulder, something I absolutely hate. It didn't help that I had caught a cold and was miserable, so the next time he came, I glared at him. My group mates later told me that it looked as if I had punched him, the way he stumbled backwards and walked away. Later when the teacher addressed the class about the scene we read, he said something about 'hell hath no fury like a woman scorned'****. Of course that made me think about Katie, Jordan, Armonie, Erin, and Maggie, the wonderfully grumpy humans at the Autobot base. ;)**

**Thus this story was born: sidestories of the trouble the aforementioned grumpy humans go through to live at the Autobot base. ;)**

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You know the old saying: Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned, or something like that. Well, you'd think the Autobots would know this by now, but evidently not. Apparently they (or at least most of them) thought that just because humans are tiny and squishy, they couldn't hurt the much larger, armored beings no matter what they did.

Boy were they wrong.

It started off simple. Erin was limping along down the hall, Scorponok following like a lost puppy. He even had the big googley optics which the girl usually found amusing. Together they had found Katie and Armonie who were in the lounge, sitting at the table and talking.

It was common knowledge (at least around the guardians and humans) that Erin in pain wasn't happy. In fact, they knew how to tell when the humans were grumpy and knew how to stay away from them. Also, judging by the way she yawned, she was tired which was even worse. Pain plus lack of sleep equals pissed off Erin. Seriously.

"Morning, Erin." Jazz said politely and Erin grunted in response.

She limped over to the kitchen area and poured herself a cup of hot tea, finding a seat next to her cousin. While she waited for her drink to cool, she appeared to go to sleep right there on the table, earning more than a few surprised looks.

"Sci-fi Saturday?" Jazz asked and Scorponok nodded. "I see."

"Is she sick?" Ratchet asked, walking in.

Katie felt her cousin's forehead. "She doesn't have a fever."

"Lemme alone." Erin grumbled. Her voice was raspy and sounded as if she was trying to imitate the sound of frying bacon.

"Definitely sick." Hot Rod said and Erin turned her blind eyes to glare at him.

"One more word and your ass is mine." She growled. Hot Rod raised his hands in surrender and backed away wisely. Anything else she was about to say was cut off as she sneezed explosively.

Ironhide leapt inside, cannons out and ready to fire. "What was that?" he demanded. Erin growled and grabbed the baton from Jordan's belt (she sat on her right) and flung it with all her might at the weapon specialist. Though blind, her aim was perfect; the metal baton connected with his right optic, causing Ironhide to roar in pain and cover the smarting optic.

This caused Red Alert, who happened to be walking by, to come running in his cannons online and ready to fire, screaming about a Decepticon attack and oh, I _told_ you that Scorponok would be a traitor just like Erin and a majority of the humans on base! With an alarmed chirp, Scorponok attempted to hide beneath the table and only succeeded in knocking the various hot drinks around as well as a few breakfasts.

Jordan's coffee slid toward Erin and without a thought she snatched the mug up and hurled it at Red Alert who not only got a face full of shattered porcelain, but hot coffee as well. His screaming irritated both Erin and Scorponok who remained under the table; Erin covered her ears and squeezed her eyes shut.

Thinking fast, Jazz hauled Red Alert out of the lounge and Ironhide as well, closing the door in their faces and muffling their shouts and grumbles. Grumbling, Erin gulped down her tea and moved to wash the cup out.

"I'd like to take you to the med-bay, Erin." Ratchet told her in his best stern-medic voice. "You're not well and I would like to give you some medicine for it." No answer from the blind girl, but he did get a mug to the face when he moved to pick her up.

"Someone's grumpy today." Armonie said with a maternal smile. Erin rolled her eyes but allowed herself to be hugged by the Italian woman. "Let's get you some soup and get you to bed. I'm sure you're tired." The gathered Autobots looked away or shut their optics, afraid that Erin was going to punch the older woman – they all knew from experience that though she was blind, she had a mean right hook.

But to their surprise, Erin allowed herself to be led away by the woman. Sideswipe, being the sneaky devil he was, managed to coax his brother into coming with him to see if they could get a film capture of the teen biting the head off the maternal Italian woman. Not literally, of course. Ratchet followed, not sure why Erin would accept medical attention from a human rather than he, who had taken care of her since she was brought to him, half dead.

Unfortunately for Sideswipe, he found Erin sitting placidly on her cot, patiently holding a thermometer between her lips and likely under her tongue (or so Ratchet assumed) as Armonie bustled around her, fluffing pillows, bringing blankets, boxes of Kleenix ('_Since _when_ did I put those_ there?' Ratchet wondered), and a glass of water nearby.

The door unexpectedly slid open and Erin jerked her head to "look" at them. Before they could react, the black lump at her side was in her hand and she pulled the trigger.

PSAP!THAP!PSAP!THAP!PSAP!THAP!

Armonie looked up at the paint-splattered Autobots standing in the doorway as Scorponok made his way over to the berth. Shaking her head, she went back to making Erin some hot soup while muttering to herself in Italian.

When Ratchet moved to take another step into the med-bay – _his_ med-bay – he got another face full of paint. Getting the hint, he left to go to the washrack and see if he couldn't get the paint off.

"Jeez, what was _that_ about, Ratchet?" Sideswipe asked, eyeing the neon orange spots on his chest.

Before the medic could respond, Snowy hopped out from one of the vents, landing neatly on the green medic's shoulder, a bit of paper folded in his carrying collar.

_'Hell hath no fury like a sick teenage female._'

* * *

**Written because I had caught a cold and was decidedly NOT HAPPY about it. ;) 'Course that meant I had to make life a livin' hell for everyone around me except my mom 'cause she was taking care of me.**

**If anyone has any suggestions, feel free to ... well, suggest them. ((evil grin))**


	2. Like a stressed femme

**Warning: Extreme female moodiness due to stress. XD **

**Also, there may be a few spoilers for the ending of 'The Truth About Heaven'. ;) Contains reference(s) to ...Like a Sick Teenage Female.**

**Also (again) : I _know_ Chinese New Year was on Thursday, but I couldn't think of any other holiday nearby that Arcee could be forced to plan.**

_

* * *

…like a stressed femme._

She was ready to pull her hair out. If her hair were real, that is. As it was, she took great enjoyment (sarcasm, sarcasm) out of yanking clumps of the holographic matter out of her holographic scalp. Erin walked in as she began to pound her head against the table (after disengaging her pain receptors, of course).

The AllSpark's host froze in mid-stride, warily eyeing her sort-of step-sister. "Dare I ask?"

Light brown eyes turned and glared at the teenager who didn't flinch from the agitated gaze. With another _thump_, Arcee allowed her hologram's head to drop to the table. "I need help." She hated to ask her charge for help; it was supposed to be the other way around. Not to mention it ate away at her pride.

"Really?" Damn Erin and her eternally amused attitude. "With what? I'm not a psychiatrist, y' know. You should go talk t' Smokescreen." Arcee's only reply was a one-finger salute. "Fine, fine. What can I help you with, O Great Step-Sister of Doom?"

"I hate your mother."

Erin blinked at that, surprised. "Okay then. That's a bit random, but I'm not entirely fond of her myself."

Arcee glared at Erin who shrugged and shut up. "She volunteered me – without my consent – to plan the Chinese New Year party in three days. Not to mention I have a Physics quiz to study for, Trig exam and homework, and now I have to write a story for English."

Erin snorted. "Well, you're a giant transforming robot from outer space. Physics and Trig should be easy for you. I'll do your story and you can plan the party."

Arcee stared at Erin, appalled that she hadn't come up with such a simple solution. After all, Erin _was_ good at writing stories… the teen yelped as she was fairly tackled by her holographic step-sister, wincing as the chair tipped backwards, causing them to fall in a heap on the ground.

Erin snorted. "Arcee, don't you have a party to plan? Honestly. You're worse than when Mei was drunk."

_'Hey!'_

Arcee winced at the memory and climbed off her sister. "Oh Primus I hope not." Mei snorted, mumbling irritably to herself as Erin giggled. Arcee tilted her head to the side. "What's she saying?"

"'_I_ didn't know that it was alcohol! You could've warned me, Erin!'" the teen gushed in a mocking falsetto voice. "'I mean, sure it tasted and smelled funny, but I didn't know I'd get _drunk_.'"

Arcee giggled and left to do the tasks appointed to her, feeling a lot better. With that, Erin sat down to begin 'Arcee's' story for her English class.

-

"Hey Arcee?" the pink motorcycle looked up and glared balefully at Smokescreen who blinked at her sudden hostility. "Are you okay?"

"I'm fine, Smokescreen," She hissed, frost seeming to spread with each word. "I'm just very busy."

Smokescreen smiled kindly. "Okay. I've heard a few reports that you were acting strange so I decided to come over and check up on you."

Arcee's glare became colder if it were at all possible. "I'm _fine_, Smokescreen," she repeated. "I'm just _very busy_."

"You're sure? You don't sound so good. Shall I get Ratchet to take a look at you?"

Before Arcee could answer, the twin devils appeared, plopping themselves down at the table where she was perched, working on party plans. "Hey, Arcee."

Of course, Bluestreak followed, as he didn't have Maggie to talk to; she was in her room taking a nap. "Hey, Arcee. I saw you talking with Erin in the lounge. Why'd you tackle her like that? Are you sure she's not hurt? 'Cause I don't think Ratchet would be very happy to find out that she was injured so soon after she came out of the med-bay for surgery for her knee, and especially after what happened with the Sector Seven scientists, you know?"

_Bluestreak meant well, Bluestreak meant well, Bluestreak meant well, Bluestreak meant well. _Arcee repeated to herself like a mantra. _I must not shoot, maim, and/or kill anyone in the base no matter how angry I am. I must not shoot, maim, and/or kill anyone in the base no matter how angry or stressed…or overworked…or slagged off…or Primus-forsaken _**angry**

"Whatcha doin'?" Sideswipe asked, picking up the datapad she was using to plan the party before Arcee could snatch it away. "Ooh, a party? Didja get it approved by the big stiffs?"

Jazz, who happened to be walking by, paused in mid-step, moving to look at the datapad over the red devil's shoulder. He glanced at Arcee who was quietly fuming, then at Bluestreak who was rambling on about how a party was good. Katie, related to Erin and Nicole, had a Chinese New Year party to go to in three days – one that was being planned by Nicole… also known as Arcee. And boy did Arcee look pissed.

"Don't step on Erin's mother, now." He advised, taking a sip of his energon. "Take your anger out on those who stand half a chance." With a polite nod to her, he left her alone.

"Aww, Arcee! This party's so boring." To Arcee's horror, her three hours' amount of working and planning went down the proverbial drain as Sideswipe pressed the button to delete the shown document. "All she had was squishy food and drinks." Sideswipe said when Bluestreak made a wary noise. "If she's going to plan a real party, then she'll need music, and some good high-grade energon – not this apple cider and red wine…"

"Games and dancing." Smokescreen piped up as Sideswipe began to write.

"I'm getting there, I'm getting there." Sideswipe said, flapping a hand over his shoulder at the psychiatrist.

Sunstreaker eyed Arcee as she stood, blue optics glowing red. "I'm not bailing you out of this, doofus." He told his twin while pulling Bluestreak out of the way. "In case you can't read, the title read 'Chinese New Year Celebration Planning' and it _didn't_ have Prime or Prowl's stamp of approval."

"Who'd want to have a Chinese New Year Party?" Sideswipe asked disdainfully, writing more things on the datapad. "It's so boring. Arcee, next time you want to have a party, come to me; you're a femme and all, but you have no party planning skills."

Sunstreaker hauled Bluestreak out of the way as with a feral shriek, Arcee threw herself at Sideswipe and Smokescreen, guns blazing.

-

Erin doodled randomly as she waited for the story and analysis (she knew the assignment as well as if not better than Arcee, and knew that it required an analysis for the allegories and theme in the story) to emerge from the printer.

_'Stop singing, Mei! You're worst than the worst on American Idol – you're worse than a deaf chimpanzee-parakeet hybrid.'_

The AllSpark snorted in mild irritation. _'There is no such hybrid.'_

Erin rolled her eyes, drawing the curve of a heart. _'Fine. You're worse than Kup's squeakiest gear. Worse than…'_

_**SKEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!**_

_'Worse than the base alarms….worse than Scorponok screaming in sheer terror as he comes barreling towards us?'_

Erin leapt out of the way as Scorponok, trying to stop, skidded into her work table. '_Yeah,'_ she said weakly. _'Just as bad if not worse.'_

Just like when she was sick, Scorponok tried to scramble under the table, never mind that it was destroyed beyond recognition. Erin scrambled up, brushing splinters off her shirt and limped over to the shivering scorpion. _**'What's the matter?'**_ she asked. She received an image in reply; Arcee, guns blazing and optics glowing red, leaping at Sideswipe and Smokescreen. Sideswipe held a datapad in his hand labeled 'Party Plans' in Cybertronian script.

"ARCEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!" both mechs raced past the door, followed closely by a familiar pink motorcycle who continued to fire shot after shot at them. Erin watched them in silence, not saying anything until they were well out of earshot.

Absentmindedly stroking Scorponok's helm, Erin shook her head. _**'She crazy.'**_

Erin grinned at the feared awe in Scorponok's 'voice'. _**'Yeah, she is, but aren't we all?'**_ Scorponok clicked in agreement and purred as Erin continued to stroke his helm and shoulders.

* * *

**...I _know _I should be working on 'The Truth About Heaven', but I've hit a roadblock in a sense. I know how it's gonna end, but I don't know how to fill the cavity. D: Oh well. I'll get to work on that and the next chapter of the attempt-at-a-humorous-story...story. XD;;**

**Suggestions welcome. ((hint hint))**


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